Aftermath
by abbygrrl29
Summary: JJ thinks back. "But this bracelet means a lot to you." Emily shrugs and lets out a small sigh, "Yeah," she manages, "But you mean a lot more." Set after "Lauren". It's about JJ and the rest of the team dealing with Emily's "death".
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer—I own nothing**

JJ takes a deep breath as she walks over to the waiting room to tell the team what has happened to Emily.

This isn't how she wants it to be. She knows that the rest of the team is going to suffer; she knows the damage that this is going to cost. But as Hotch had said to her, "We don't have much choice." This is about Emily's safety.

She takes the final steps into the small room and sees the team— her friends— sitting anxiously, waiting to hear that Emily is okay.

"She never even made it off the table." She manages to say, fighting back the tears that are now brimming her eyes.

The damage is done.

—

JJ sits in her office as she waits for Garcia to come and get her for their weekly lunch.

It's been 2 weeks since the hospital; 2 weeks since JJ sealed the lie with her own words as she watched the people she cares about grieve and mourn for Emily.

Emily.

JJ hasn't heard anything about her since that night in Paris to give Emily the identity she was supposed to be changing her life to. Which is ultimately a good thing; no news is good news when it came to that situation. She wasn't allowed any contact with her friend unless it was an emergency.

JJ opens a drawer and pulls out a bracelet that Emily had given her a week before her encounter with Doyle. They had breakfast that morning and JJ knew something was going on that Emily wasn't telling them.

"_Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything?" JJ asks softly, watching her friend stare at her plate of food, picking her fingernails._

_Emily looks up, "No, Jayje. I'm fine."_

"_Emily—"_

"_It's just some stuff I'm going through." Emily shakes her head, forcing a smile, "I'm fine."_

_JJ lets out a sigh, "Okay then."_

"_But I do have something to give to you." Emily says, going into her purse and pulls out a small box._

_JJ looks at Emily with a confused look, "What's that for?"_

"_It's for you." Emily says, "I want you to have it."_

_JJ opens the small box and in it sits a beautiful gold bracelet with small jewelled charms. Her mind flashes back to her older sister, but instantly forces herself to focus back on Emily. _

"_Emily…" JJ begins softly, shaking her head, "You love this bracelet." She puts it back into the box and pushes it towards Emily. _

"_Jayje, take it." Emily takes JJ's hand and puts the bracelet into her palm. "My dad gave it to me when I joined the FBI, as a gift."_

"_But why?" JJ asks. _

_Emily shakes her head and gives JJ a small smile, "I still owe you a birthday present." She says softly._

_JJ laughs, "Em, my birthday was months ago."_

"_Better late than never, right?" Emily smiles._

"_But this bracelet means a lot to you." JJ says. _

_Emily shrugs and lets out a small sigh, "Yeah," she manages, "But you mean a lot more."_

"Jayje?"

JJ looks up from her desk, still holding the bracelet in her hand as Penelope walks into her office and takes the seat in front of her desk.

"Hey is that new?" Garcia asks.

JJ shakes her head, "From Emily…" Garcia looks at her in a daze, "She gave it to me a week before…" JJ stops for a second, "You know…" She doesn't want to say the exact words, "I knew in my gut something was going on and I didn't do anything. I couldn't bring myself to force her to talk."

Garcia takes JJ's hand from across the desk, "None of us had any idea…"

JJ nods, "I know." She says softly, "I haven't been able to wear it yet."

Garcia smiles, "It's gorgeous."

JJ forces another smile and plays with the bracelet again.

"I miss her too…" Garcia says quietly.

JJ nods simply, "You ready?" She gets up from her seat and tries to ignore that all too familiar ache in her chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Good night sweet heart." JJ cooed and kisses her sleeping son's forehead. She pulls his blanket over him, turns off his lamp and walks out of his bed room.

She walks over to Will's office and leans against the door frame watching him shuffle papers on his desk. Will looks up and gives her a small smile, "Is the little man asleep?" he asks, getting up and walking over to his wife.

JJ nods. Will wraps his arms around her and kisses her hair, "You doin' okay, darlin?" he asks.

"I'm fine." JJ says softly as she rests her head on his chest. "Just tired."

Will holds her just a little bit tighter and lets out a sigh. He knows his wife is hurting; he can hear her soft stifled sobs in the middle of the night and all he could do...all he knows how to do is hold her close to him as much as he can like holding her will keep her from falling apart.

Suddenly, they hear a knock on the door.

"Who could that be?" JJ asks, pulling away from Will's embrace.

They walk over to the door and Will looks through the glass. "It's Morgan." he says softly, opening the door.

"Derek?" JJ asks in confusion.

"Hey JJ, Will." He says quietly, shaking Will's hand. "I hope I'm not imposing. Is it too late?"

JJ shakes her head, "Not at all. Is everything okay?" she asks, anxiety rising just a tiny bit.

"Everything's fine, I was just hoping I could talk to you for a bit?" he asks, looking at JJ with tired eyes.

JJ looks at Will, "I'll be in my office then." Will says, catching the hint, "It was good seeing you Derek." he shakes the other man's hand again and gives JJ another kiss on her cheek.

"We can sit on the porch swings if you'd like?" JJ suggests and Derek nods his head.

The pair takes a seat on the swings and JJ notices Morgan's cut up knuckles.

"What happened?" she asks, even though she already knows.

Morgan clenches his fist and covers it with his other hand, "Letting out some steam I guess." he says softly, "I need a new punching bag."

JJ gives him a small smile, "You have your punching bag, Reid has the shooting range."

Morgan lets out a small laugh, "Guess so."

For a minute, the two sit in silence; simply just needing the comfort of each other's company.

Finally JJ decides to break the silence, "How are you holding up?" she asks, and the question immediately sounds stupid to her own ears.

Morgan shrugs, "I'm holding up." He says, silence befalling again.

"I miss her JJ," Derek begins to say, "I can't focus on cases, I can't sleep at night. All I see when I close my eyes is Emily's body just lying there and I'm holding her hand, just watching her slipping away from me."

JJ begins to feel that lump in her throat forming and she blinks away the tears that are now brimming her eyes. How is she supposed to keep this up? She had Reid over just the other night and watching him suffer was heart breaking enough; she never expected Derek Morgan to come to her door, wanting the same comfort from her.

She's used to hiding her emotions behind a brick wall; she knows how to compartmentalize in way that people can come to her when they don't know where else to go. It's her job isn't it? To listen to tired detectives when they have run out of leads? To talk and listen to the mourning families of victims who have been lost, killed, and tortured? She's that crutch that people can use when they no longer can stand on their own.

But this? This is different. She knows the story behind the tragedy; she's trying to hold up this lie just as much as she's trying to hold up the rest of her team members; her family. She knows the battle that her friends are fighting and it is breaking her heart that she also knows how easily she can pull them away from it. But she can't.

To protect Emily.

She knew from the beginning; from the time Hotch had let her in on the situation, that she would have to fabricate this lie to protect Emily. And she knew that lying to her team would be a difficult task. She just didn't consider watching them suffer would be this much harder.

"JJ?"

She looks over at Morgan's sad and tired eyes, "Hmm?"

"I know Reid and Penelope have been coming to you too." He says softly, "And I want you to know that you're allowed to grieve just as much as we are." JJ can feel the tears stinging her eyes, "I know you miss her too."

JJ looks up at the stars, blinks away her tears and nods. She feels Morgan's hand on top of hers and looks at him again, "Are you okay?" he asks.

JJ forces a small smile, "I will be." she says, "We'll all get there some day."

She doesn't know whether or not Derek believes her. But she hopes with everything she has that she's right.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Sorry guys, this chapter's kind of weak. Major writer's block. But regardless, let me know what you think.**

"Mommy!"

JJ looks up from her desk and sees her little boy running down the hall towards her office with Penelope trailing behind him.

It was a Saturday afternoon and JJ had to stop at the office earlier in the morning to finish up some reports. Will was away on a case for the day so Penelope being the amazing fairy god mother that she is, stepped up and immediately took the babysitting job.

JJ lets out a small laugh and lets Henry jump into her arms, "Hey, handsome." she says, placing a kiss on his blonde hair. "Did you have a good time with Aunt Pen?"

Henry nods his head and JJ notices that Henry is holding a new toy car in his hand, "Another car, baby?" she asks her son while glancing at Garcia.

Garcia flashes her a grin, "I had some toys at the house that I bought for him for when he comes over!" she says with a shrug, "And how am I supposed to say no to this face?" she playfully pokes Henry's nose and the little boy laughs and wiggles himself out of his mother's embrace.

The two women take a seat on the couch in JJ's office and watches as Henry plays with his new toy.

"Morgan mentioned he stopped by your house the other night." Garcia says softly, not looking at JJ.

JJ glances at her friend and then back at her son, "Yeah…"

Garcia nods, "That's good," she mutters quietly, "He hasn't been himself, and I know it's still hard for him to talk much about what's happened." JJ notices that Garcia was playing with the rings on her fingers; a nervous habit that JJ knows she has.

"It's not going to be easy for a while." JJ says, not being able to look at Garcia in the face.

JJ notices Henry pushing the small toy car on her desk and then stopping in front of one of the picture frames. Henry picks up the frame and brings it over to JJ.

JJ watches as her son takes in the picture of her, Penelope and Emily. It was taken during their trip to Alaska just before they were to get on the plane. JJ remembers Emily saying it wasn't everyday that they were in such a serene place despite the case they just had. She remembers just wanting to get on the plane and getting back to her two boys but then Garcia agreed with Emily saying it has been a while since the three of them took a picture together.

It was the last picture the three of them took together.

"Emmy?" Henry says softly, looking up at his Mom.

JJ nods and runs her hand softly through Henry's hair, "That's right, that's Aunt Emmy."

She looks up at Garcia and notices her wiping away a single tear.

Henry looks back down onto the picture and to JJ, the child looks like he was intently trying to figure out where Aunt Emmy has been. And all JJ could do was wrap her arms around her son and pray for the strength to keep up with everything that is going on.

_If anyone is listening up there, please let her be safe. _JJ wishes to herself._Please let her come back to us soon. Good God, just bring her back. _

_—_

"Henry, baby, please stay where we can see you." JJ calls out to her son as they walk around the toy store.

Will lets out a small laugh and puts his arm around JJ's waist, "How are you holdin' up, Cher?" he asks softly as JJ takes his hand and entwines her fingers with his. They watch Henry pick up and carry anything he possibly could in his little arms as he looks back at them giggling to himself.

JJ shrugs, "I'm okay." she says quietly, looking away from her husband.

Will tugs at her hand, "Hey," he pulls her to a stop to get her attention, "You haven't talked much about what's happened, Jayje."

JJ lets out a sigh, "I know," she says.

Will pushes a strand of hair behind JJ's ear and pulls her to keep walking, "Remember, I'm on your team." He says, looking straight ahead towards their little boy, "I'm your partner; wherever you're runnin', I'm runnin' with you." He looks at her again and JJ pulls him in for a kiss.

"Mama!" Henry yells out, holding a soccer ball with both hands, "Look!"

JJ laughs, "Can you kick it to me?"

Henry puts down the ball and kicks it towards JJ, "That's my big boy." Will says with a laugh as he picks up a football, "Can you catch, Henry?" he asks, pretending to throw the toy ball.

Henry takes the soccer ball from his mom and holds it up, "Soccer, daddy!" he says with a smile.

JJ laughs as she picks the little boy up, "Looks like we've got a soccer player in our hands, Dad." she says.

Will walks over to his wife with a smile and takes his son from her arms, "We'll make a football player out of him yet." he says, "Just like his daddy."


	4. Chapter 4

**I know it's been a while! I was just having so much fun writing How Do You Choose, but here's the next chapter for this story..it's short but there'll be more coming I promise. Hope you guys like it!**

****JJ hears her cell phone beep on her desk. She puts down the papers she was reading and looks at the small screen.

"You busy?" It was from Spencer.

"No, what's up?" she texts back before putting the phone down again and going back to her papers. She hears a knock and sees her friend standing at the doorway of her office.

"Well that was fast." she says with a small laugh. Spencer smiles and walks in, taking a seat on the chair across from JJ. "What are you doing here?"

JJ looks at her watch, 1pm in the afternoon. Spencer should be at work.

"You said you weren't busy." he mutters softly, leaning back in the chair.

JJ shakes her head, "I wasn't." she says, "Shouldn't you be at the office?"

Spencer leans over, looking at the picture frames on JJ's desk, "Day off." he says simply, not looking at JJ.

JJ nods, silence on her end. She was never a profiler, but she doesn't have to be to notice her friend's out of character behaviour. She knows Spencer doesn't miss work, and she knows it isn't just a day off. She had just finished talking to Penelope about a new case the team is working on just this morning. She watches as Spencer picks up the picture of her, Penelope and Emily.

"How's my godson?" the young man asks at a weak attempt for a conversation.

"He's great." JJ says, letting out a small sigh, "Spence, are you going to tell me what's going on?" It was her turn to lean back in her chair, crossing her arms.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Spencer says, finally looking up at her.

It was then that JJ notices her friend's tired eyes and sullen face. She leans in and puts a hand on Spencer's arm. "Spencer..."

It's been a long time since she's called him by his full name. And for the first time in weeks, Spencer felt his own heart beating again. The numbness receded just a tiny bit at JJ's touch and he let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"I just needed a break, JJ." he says softly, "Being there...seeing everybody, no body saying anything to anyone...her desk is empty and it's a constant reminder of..." Spencer stops, swallowing the hard lump in his throat.

JJ doesn't pull away, she moves her hand so his fingers are entwined with hers, and she watches her friend fighting a war within his own self.

_Just tell him JJ. It's Spencer...you can tell him._

"Spence," JJ begins, her stomach in knots, "You have to know something..."

Spencer looks at her expectantly and JJ can feel the words at her throat; she can feel her heart fluttering as if telling Spencer would completely free her from this secret.

JJ blinks away the tears that were threatening to fall, "You have to know that we're all here for you," JJ manages, trying to ignore the sharp ache in her chest, "We miss her too. You don't have to take this on yourself."

The young man nods and squeezes JJ's hand.

The blonde forces a small smile and breathes in deeply. She couldn't possibly risk putting Spencer in danger; it is already too dangerous that she and Hotch know about Emily. If Doyle finds out anybody has even the slightest idea that Emily is alive, he would immediately go after the ones closest to her and that meant the entire team.

No, she can't let that happen.

So this is how it has to be. The secret stays a secret, no matter how badly it was tearing her apart.


	5. Chapter 5

**NEW CHAPTER! YAY! lol give me ideas and reviews! :)**

JJ wakes up to the small noise coming from her night stand. She looks around and notices Will beginning to wake up from the sound as well. She picks up her phone and sees Derek's name flashing in the small screen.

"Hello?"

"I'm really sorry to wake you up," JJ looks to her alarm clock that reads 3:35am, she immediately sits up and hears her husband sitting up beside her.

"Derek, what's going on?" she asks as she hears cluttering noise in the background.

She hears her friend let out a sigh, "Reid's drunk. I came to pick him up from the bar but he's asking for you."

JJ closes her eyes and breathes in deeply, "Where are you now?" she asks.

"I'm just getting him into my car, we're only a few blocks from your place." Derek says and JJ hears him say a small, "It'll be alright, kid."

JJ looks at Will and he nods in understanding.

"Okay, I'll wait downstairs."

JJ clicks the phone off and lets out a sigh. She feels Will wrap an arm around her and place a kiss on her temple, "I'm sorry." she says softly.

"Don't be." Will whispers, "He needs you."

JJ nods her head and the couple makes their way downstairs to the front door.

__

JJ opens the door to see Derek holding the younger man up and she sees Will walking past her to help.

"He wouldn't leave until I said I would be taking him to you." Derek says softly as Will puts Spencer's other arm around his own shoulders. JJ notices that Spencer was in and out of consciousness and she's wondering when her friend started drinking heavily like this.

The four of them walk in the house, careful not to make too much noise to wake up the sleeping child just upstairs.

The two men carefully puts Spencer down on the couch and JJ sits at the coffee table, pulling her robe tighter around her.

"Spence…"

The younger man turns his head slowly and smiles, his eyes still closed, "JJ, you're here." he manages to slur out.

JJ looks up at Derek, "What happened?" she asks.

Derek lets out a sigh, "We just got back from San Francisco for a case around 9 and he said he would be going home." he says softly, "and then he called me asking to be picked up. The bouncer was holding him up outside when I pulled up in front of the bar. Thank God he was showing off his badge, otherwise that guy would've just kicked him to the curb outside."

JJ looks back at her friend who is now clearly passed out, "He can stay here," she says softly, "You should get some rest too."

"Are you sure?" Derek asks and JJ hears the pure exhaustion in his voice.

The blonde nods, "It's probably better if he's here instead of at home. You should get some sleep Derek, you've had a long week." she says being fully aware of the case they had just come back from.

"I'll go get some blankets and a pillow." Will says, walking out of the living room, "and maybe a bucket."

Derek sits at the end of the couch by Spencer's feet, letting out a sigh and leaning his head back against the couch tiredly.

"How often has this been happening?" JJ asks her friend softly.

Derek closes his eyes. "Too often." he mutters.

JJ runs a hand through her blonde hair. She quickly realizes that this is what Spencer does after leaving her house those nights that he comes over upset. She realizes that she's only helped him so much but this is what he does to completely forget the pain.

"This isn't like him." she whispers, "Why haven't you told me?"

Derek sits up and looks at his friend, noticing the clear hurt in her eyes, "He didn't want me to come to you; he knows…we all know that you've been the one we all have gone to, and it's been four months JJ…" he says softly, "I don't think he wanted to put anything more on you."

JJ softly puts a hand on Spencer's cheek and looks at Derek again, "Has he….has he done anything else?" she asks, panic in her voice.

The older man shakes his head, "No, I mean he says he hasn't, and there aren't any track marks."

JJ lets out a breath and nods.

Will comes back in with a blanket, a pillow and he places the bucket beside the couch by Spencer's head.

"I should go then." Derek says softly as he gets up from the couch.

JJ nods and she and the two men walk towards the door.

"Call me, you know," Derek begins before letting himself out, "if anything else comes up."

The blonde nods, "I will."

Derek forces a small smile and shakes Will's hand before saying goodbye.

JJ feels her husband's arms around her shoulders and she lets out a sigh. "I've never seen him like this." she says softly and she feels him hold her tighter.

"He's still hurting." Will mutters quietly, "Everyone's doing the best they can with the situation."

_I'm not._ JJ thinks to herself. She could end this once and for all, she could break her friends out of this. But at what cost? Because if she really thinks about how bad it's been, it could only get worse if she doesn't do what she was told to do.

"Let's go to bed." she says, before looking back at her sleeping friend one more time.


End file.
